"Sorry for the snafu"
Time
Time goes the fastest when we like what we are doing.
Time goes slow, then it speeds up. Then it slows down again, and then you die.
Rule #1
be confident in your ability.
Sometimes
Sometimes I get the feeling that I have experiences so that I can share them with the people in my life that I am closest to. Things happen to me so that I can give insight to the ones that could benefit from my experiences and use them to grow.
It must be a test. Do I share, or do I stay quiet?
Even when we don't know it, if we spoke, we might be saying exactly what is supposed to be said.
Sometimes I wonder if by not telling people what I think, or not telling them the way that I connect to the stories they tell me, am I doing them a disservice? Do they want to hear what I have to say anyways?
Will it even matter what I say, or will it scare people away from me, making them think I'm crazy? It often does this. Sharing changes the way that I am treated. It changes perceptions. Instead I tell half stories.
I would love to be able to say exactly what I'm thinking, when I think it. I dont want to fear that people will treat me differently based on what I tell them. I don't want to hide anything from anyone, anymore.
The sad fact of life is that some things we hide, stay hidden. Hidden forever. Interestingly enough we hide these things to protect ourselves. We could instead be sharing and facing these blocks in our lives and connecting with others that have struggled in the same way as us. We could be unafraid if we wanted to be.
But what will people think of these things? Why am I afraid of what they might think?
Once words are spoken they can't be taken back, but maybe we have to speak these irrevocable words, so that we can rid ourselves from their lingering memories.
Maybe one day me and you can speak easy. Maybe then I will begin to remember, and to be defined by a different vocabulary. Filling myself only with the things that I love, speaking freely about every single dang thing that my mind lands on.
One day we might have real conversation.
Next time.
Funerals
A ceremony that honors the dead.
What will they say at my funeral?
I sometimes think about what it might be like for the ones I care about after I die. Will I leave a legacy? What kind of things will I pass on to others? How can I minimize the amount of things that I have on this earth? What can I get rid of? How can I live simply?
If I die tomorrow, I want people to know my funeral isn't a time to be sad. It is not a time to worry. It is a time to let go and to start a clean slate. A time of rebirth and freedom from restraint. I want my funeral to inspire others to live out their wildest dreams.
It is sad
How sad it is to not know that you are loved or appreciated until you leave and can see that you will be missed.
How sad it is to love someone at a time besides the right time.
How sad it is when the ones you love come back to you, once you're not sure that you have any love left to give.
It is sad.
Maybe these things are meant to show us what love can be.
Meant to help us find someone that misses us. Someone who isn't afraid to love us right now, in this moment, and is never uncertain about us.
Someone who gives everything they've got plus more, leaving everything on the table.
Someone who is always willing to help.
Someone who sees beauty in vulnerability.
A giver of so much love, that it helps me realize I could have some love to give too.
Fireworks
Maybe we need to explode like fireworks do.
Maybe this would make us more enchanting.
Maybe more beauty comes from more explosions.
Maybe we should take everything that we used to know and set fire to it.
Maybe we have to be the one to bring the light to the darkness.
Maybe we have to become our own illuminated points within space and time.
#Bucketlist
If someone wants to take me to all these I might just love/marry them.
#lifenotes
Motto
Talk to the ones that talk a lot. They have a lot to say.
Fill their minds with images of your art.
They'll spread the images that you paint in their minds and in their hearts. They'll spread the images for years and years to come.
....where are all my talkers at tho? 😏
Affirmations
"You are beautiful. You are lovable. You are capable."
These three sentences have stuck with me over the years. I heard them for the first time before I knew what it meant to see ugliness. Before I knew that things in this world wouldn't always love me. Before I knew I could ever feel defeated, weak, exhausted and fatigued.
Three simple sentences. I used to think nothing of them. I used to think it was silly that we were supposed to repeat them everyday as a class. Silly back then, but now, years later, they are comforting words. They are familiar to me. They give me hope for getting the most out of this world. They remind me that I am worthy of the good things that happen to me.
I imagine a world where everyone sees the potential in each other. I want to see everyone looking into each other's eyes with good intention and love. No judgement given to people based on what they look like or who they appear to be, but instead what they want to stand for, what they dream and where they want to go. That's a world I want to live in.
Wilting
A wilted flower can be the most beautiful kind.
Dried and wilted from a life well lived. We try to prolong its life and preserve its beauty. Pressing them in books to keep them forever.
Picking the flowers so that we can admire them and keep them for ourselves.
If not for us, we use their beauty as a token of how much we care for someone else.
Once a flower has been picked, it blooms and it dies, but for most, they are admired and loved until the end.
"The grass withers and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the Lord. And so it is with people."
Freewheeling
A freewheeling existence. A life that takes on whatever happens, when it happens.
A life that rolls and flows with everything the day has to give.
Giving presence. Feeding into the conversation of life and the answers it gives you. Observing. Interacting. Being fearless.
A life that is willing to give everything up at the end of the day because it realizes that the things we have are not what life is about.
Free of restraints, carefree, coasting, listening, positive.
Lovely
You are lovely.
What does that mean?
charmingly or exquisitely beautiful: a lovely flower.
having a beauty that appeals to the heart or mind as well as to the eye, as a person or a face.
delightful; highly pleasing: to have a lovely time.
of a great moral or spiritual beauty: a lovely character.
Steps forward
I'm a believer in journeys. A believer in process. A believer in growth and transformation. A believer in lessons learned from experiencing light and darkness, and all the shades in between.
I still wonder, where do I go from here? Where am I now? Where do I want to be?
How can the things that I've came from inform the person I am today? How can I become more thankful for darkness and not just for light?
Your Birthday
Today is your 25th birthday.
My dearest best friend, I will always care about you.
We haven't talked in almost two years.
I hope it's what's best for you.
I hope one day, I'll bump into you. You'll tell me everything is alright and you're changing the world for the better like I always knew you would. You'll tell me you're not letting anything stop you from happiness and living your dreams.
I hope you know, you've already changed the world for me.
Today I celebrate you.
GOING GOING GOING
Today is a day where I want to go to sleep, but I know that if I sleep now, I still won't wake up in time to do what I need to get done before tomorrow really begins. I want to sleep to be done with this day... on to the next.
But I want the next day to be the day that I don't have to worry about what I still have left to be done. The day I wake up before an alarm, starting the day without being in a hurry.
Why do I always worry about what needs to get done?
I feel like I am the Energizer Bunny. Always running.